y body is punishing me...
I've gained 5 lbs from yesterday to today.
I'm trying to keep myself calm and trying to sleep. I was 10lbs away from my goal, now I'm here... 15...lbs.
I've seen me 10 lbs near the goal a few times already in the past 2 weeks. Why I can't stay like that? Why did I have to binge and not purge, specially today, because last night I was freaking out about my pulse in rest being too high and that being from purging.
I hope when I wake up that at least I lost 3 lbs in water. Please, don't do that to me. I'm feeling terrible.
Food. Food in every nook and cranny in my freaking house. Thank you, boyfriend, for trying to help. But I want to get as far away from here as possible.
I call my dad, "Hey, are you and grandma doing anything today?"
Yes. A walk on the beach sounds nice.
Adorable tent booths set up all along the pier. Awesome! Cute jewelry, clothes, shoes, artwork. Wow! I love it. Walking with dad and grandma around to the next isle of booths.
Food. Food in every nook and cranny in this freaking aisle. I was so happy, and now it's ruined. I immediately feel my face growing pale and and begin to cold sweat.
"Dad, it's too windy and cold out here but this was fun." I say smiling.
We're back at their apartment. My breathing slows and I relax more. "I have to head to practice now, unfortunately. Love you, dad. Love you grandma."
My sweet dad... "Here's some food to take with you."
I bring it home, walk in the doorway and toss it in the trash.
For a week now, I've been sucked into restricting. The tingling starts at my fingers and toes and spreads depending on how cold it is. I am addicted to this feeling. Freezing cold hands and feet and the slight burning feeling stepping into a hot shower.
Is anyone else ed like me, that switches in between the worst stages of b/p or complete fasting during depression issues?
Older I get more I hear my therapists telling me about that when I was 13/14, at that time I could care less, right now, it affects my relationship. Men want akinny/fit wives, but can't deal if she has an ed.
Sorry, x-posted in a lot of places so I need to vent!
My body is different after pregnancy and childbirth and my first goal is to get under 100lb.
I'd love to talk with people, lend and recieve support
And by 'old self', I mean that I looked like me. 105 pounds, 5'5.
Unfortunately, the old me had an eating disorder. This time, I was dieting like a champion. Fueling for my training but never indulging, ultra controlled, a discipline to remark upon. And as life became more and more stressful, I ran more and more, and started becoming addicted to the 'progress' I was making on the scale, even long after I had hit the ultimate GW.
My name is Jessica. I've vacillated between ED-NOS and BED/COE for 11 years now. I'm pretty friendly and a good listener. Anyone who wants to add me, I'll add back. Oh, yeah, and I'm 28 going on 29.